I’m a former comedy writer who has fallen off the stage and into the world of writing screwball comedies. The Goddaughter is my latest zany book.
People often ask me why I write silly stuff. I say it’s because I am seriously fed up with reality. I mean, really - what’s so special about it? Everybody does it.
So for those of you who are sick of reality (TV or otherwise,) this is for you. In the lofty traditions of Dallas, Dynasty and Desperate Housewives, make way for…TRAVESTY!
Note the originality of the plot. (Hey, it’s rerun season!)
INTERIOR. A pink frilly bedroom. Daytime. An attractive young woman in full makeup and Victoria’s Secret underwear reclines on the bed, moaning fatuously. An older man kneels by her side, wringing his well-manicured hands.
Lance: “Tell me April, I gotta know. Is the baby mine?”
April (in bed): “Oh Lance! Oh Lance!
Michael enters the room.
Michael: “April honey, I’ve got something to tell you.”
April: “No -
April: “You? And Lance?”
Michael: “And your mother’s been hit by a beer truck, and the boutique has burnt down.”
April (standing up in bed): “THE BOUTIQUE?”
Michael: “We saved the clothes, but the jewelry was a meltdown. Sorry.”
April (clutching throat): “I can’t take it anymore! This is too much for one day.”
Michael: “And it’s only 8 a.m.”
Lance (clearing throat): “About your mother…”
April (collapsing on bed): “OH-MY-GOD, MOTHER! She hated beer.”
Lance: “I have something to tell you…”
April (to director): “Do I faint now?”
Lance: “…she’s actually not your mother…”
April: “You mean-“
Lance: “Yes. I am”
Michael: “That trip to Sweden…?”
Michael: “But didn’t we…?”
Director (to April): “You can faint now.”
Stay tuned next week for more riveting drama, when April asks the question, “How do you tell if blue cheese is bad?”
Like this comedy? Don’t miss: The Goddaughter! Stolen jewels, a cross-country chase, and a reluctant mob goddaughter make for a whole lot of laughs!
Genre: Comedic Crime
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Gina Gallo is a gemologist who would like nothing better than to run her little jewelry shop. Unfortunately she's also "the Goddaughter," and, as she tells her new friend Pete, "you don't get to choose your relatives." And you can't avoid them when you live in Hamilton and they more or less run the place. When Gina bumps into Pete at the Art Gallery Gala, sparks fly. So do bullets, when her cousin Tony is taken down by rival mobsters from New York. It turns out Tony was carrying a load of hot gems in the heel of his shoe. When Gina is reluctantly recruited to carry the rocks back to Buffalo, the worst happens: they get stolen. Pete and Gina have no choice but to steal them back, even though philandering politicians, shoe fetishists, and a trio of inept goons stand in their way. It's all in a day's work, when you're the Goddaughter.
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